mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
