Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
