After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
