well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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