every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
