Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
