he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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