i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
