why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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