it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
