Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
