I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
