so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
