I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
