the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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