You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
