Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
