My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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