I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
