just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
