fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
