You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
