i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
