Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
