Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I party with great urgency now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
