5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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