Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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