The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
