Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
