i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
