I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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