so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
