I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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