you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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