tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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