somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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