yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I didn't notice because vodka
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
