She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
