wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize