Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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