we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
