hell yes lets make some ravioli
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I currently don't understand fingers.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
