if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
