I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
