well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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