His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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