Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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