Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
