Apparently you make a good broom.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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