They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
