Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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