That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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