a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
