I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
