i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
