So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
