I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
4 words: hood of his car
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
