He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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