I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize