I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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