apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
