Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
