moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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