I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
