Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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