i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
