When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
