I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
