I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just had sex bonerless
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize