You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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