So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
